Vive: Monaco

Have you ever wondered why we never (or almost never) see Maseratis, Lamborghinis, Alfa Romeos, Ferraris, Bentleys, Aston Martins or Rolls Royces in New Hampshire? It’s because they are all racing through the streets of Monaco! Apparently these high performance vehicles are a very efficient means of getting across the 485 acres that make up Monaco. After all, who wants to waste 10 minutes walking up the hill from the harbor where the yacht is docked to gamble away one’s wealth at the Monte Carlo Casino? It’s so much more enjoyable to take the Lamborghini.

I exaggerate of course; I’m sure the more intrepid of these vehicles actually leave the borders of the Principality and venture as far as Nice, St. Tropez, Cannes and other high rent districts along the Cote d’Azur. And of course you can find plenty of riffraff like Mercedes, BMW’s, Porsches and Mini Coopers in the gutters of Monaco as well.

We also don’t see these, shall we say, “higher end” vehicles in New Hampshire because women who enter these cars are required to wear three inch heels, and we all know that you just can’t get three inch heels from LLBean anymore, although I think you can still find a few pairs tucked away at Red’s Shoe Barn in Dover, somewhere behind the steel-toed boots, Tevas and orthopedics.

For those of you who pine for a Maserati but aren’t willing to move to the Cote d’Azur, I suggest considering the purchase of a $152 white gold Maserati trident pin, a fashion statement that will surely turn heads on Old Home Day. Too stuffy for you? How about the $112 white bikini with the silver lamè Lamborghini logo? Don’t worry – it comes in extra small. Looking for something that is more practical in a four season environment? How about the $100 Aston Martin leather case for playing cards? Hey--this is a steal--it holds two packs of cards!

I was disappointed that I was unable to find alternative merchandise on the Rolls Royce web site. As ridiculous as it may sound, it appears that you can only buy cars from them (well, OK, jet engines too). I did learn from their web site that one would want to buy their cars because they offer “sensuous tactility,” dynamic refinement,” and they are useful to “embrace the elements.” Hasn’t anyone in their marketing department ever asked “What exactly does that mean?” The next time I get into my Ford Escort, I am definitely going to be paying more attention to its sensuous tactility. Since returning from Monaco, I’ve been looking for alternative, less expensive ways of embracing the elements than buying a Rolls. Thanks to Google I found out, much to my relief, that I can also embrace the elements by going to Pittsburgh. Whew.

But Monaco is more than just rich people in designer fashions, fancy cars and outrageous yachts. It’s also...well...let me think a little bit more about this one. Well, you can visit the Doll and Automaton Museum where you can see Barbie dressed in outfits designed by Bob Mackie, Christian Dior and Psy, Monte Carlo’s homegrown designer label. You can also see His Serene Royal Highness' car, stamp and coin collections or shop at the Baby Dior store for your fashion conscious toddler. You can nibble on $635 Iranian caviar, an appetizer offered at the Hotel de Paris restaurant, next to the Casino. Oh and forget those stuffy bus tours that are present in all the major European cities – you can see all the sites of Monaco in style with a Ferrari tour. And let’s face it, Monaco is all about style.

During our visit we enjoyed both the Exotic Garden, a mountainside garden that offered impressive cactus and terrific views of Monaco, and the Oceanographic Institute, a public aquarium and tourist mecca. But you can find dolls, fish and cactus without traveling to Monaco, the real attraction of Monaco is the spectacular wealth.

Monaco is officially considered a tax-haven by institutions that identify those sorts of things. This tiny bit of Mediterranean coast offers an income tax-free environment (for non-French residents), incessantly pleasant weather and plenty of places to park the yacht. What multi-millionaire wouldn’t jump at the chance? In addition, it’s safe. With the highest density of police in the world (on both a per capita and per square meter basis), you can flaunt your wealth without worrying about being mugged.

Marty and I stopped for a short weekend in Monaco on our way back from Corse. My French teacher, Evelyn, said that one just had to see Monaco. This is the same woman who said that she didn’t understand why people visited France, so I was intrigued to see a place that Evelyn thought was worth visiting. Marty was reluctant to visit when I first mentioned it to him several months ago, but he acknowledged that it would be an easy stop for us on our return journey from Corsica.

Monaco, with its spotless, graffiti-less facades and dog poop-free sidewalks is definitely cleaner than France (or most countries in the world for that matter). This tiny principality is sandwiched between the foothills of the Alps and the Mediterranean Sea. They manage to pack over 30,000 people into their 485 acres, so high rises are the norm. The principality is steep and traversing it from south to north requires a lot of stair climbing or the use of the many public elevators that move you up and down the hillsides. Don’t worry; there are surveillance cameras in the public elevators, so your precious gem-studded jewelry and Rolex will be safe. The steepness has its advantages, however, because, in addition to helping one work off the rich French cuisine, it affords a lot of scenic views of the sea and the city, kind of like stadium seating.

Monaco is the only constitutional monarchy remaining in Europe. I personally can’t help marveling at the fact that in the 21st century, the citizens of Monaco, who enjoy a 99% literacy rate and 0% unemployment rate, don’t mind being ruled by a monarch. Isn’t that taking retro just a bit too far? Didn’t the whole nobility thing go out of style after the French Revolution? Perhaps it is time to invade Monaco and bring democracy to its citizens. Actually, the native Monegasques are allowed to vote (I’m not sure what offices they vote for), but they only make up 16% of the population of Monaco. Women weren’t given the right to vote until 1962.

We found ourselves in Monaco on July 14, a French national holiday. Knowing that Monaco had a large French population (47%), a lot of French tourists, and deep ties to France, I asked if there would be any festivities in recognition of Bastille Day. In retrospect, this was, at best, a very silly question. Of course, they don’t celebrate the holiday in Monaco. Why would the last remaining constitutional monarchy in Europe celebrate the revolution that basically massacred the French monarchy? Oops.

Monaco’s most famous monarch, of course, was Princess Grace, the American movie star Grace Kelly whose picture graces the banners along the main boulevards of Monaco. The banners announce the Princess Grace exposition that is taking place in Monaco throughout the summer. There is also the “Princess Grace Parcours,” which sprinkles photos of Princess Grace and the royal family throughout the principality. Given that it’s been 25 years since Grace died, one can’t help but get the impression that the glamorous Princess is still being used as a tourist attraction.

Photos of his Serene Royal Highness, the reigning Prince Albert II, also are ubiquitous throughout the shops in the principality. I asked a woman from whom we bought some sandwiches if they were required to have a photo of the Prince in their shop. Giving me a knowing look, she repeatedly said “It is better.” My interpretation of her response was that it is not advantageous for a business to not display a photo of the Prince.

When in Monaco, one cannot forget the presence of the royal family. In addition to the ubiquitous photos of Prince Albert II and Princess Grace, a remarkable number of place names evoke the royal family as well. We walked down Boulevard Princess Charlotte to get to our hotel (which was actually in France, literally just across the street from Monaco); we then headed downhill to Avenue Princess Grace, which takes you to the Grimaldi Exposition Center (which fittingly has the Princess Grace expo) and the beach with its imported sand. Avenue Princess Grace eventually brings one to a large complex which includes Raínier III Auditorium. Don’t worry, the American royal family is recognized as Avenue de President J.F. Kennedy splits into Boulevard Albert 1er and Rue Grimaldi. Other streets include Rue Princesse Florestine, Rue Princesse Caroline, Rue Princesse Antoinette and Avenue Albert II. There is also a Parc Princesse Antoinette and a Roseraie Princesse Grace. I couldn’t find anything named after Princess Stephanie; I wonder if she is considered a “bad” princess.

Perhaps it is not surprising that the reigning Prince Albert II, Grace’s son, is still unmarried, although he does have two children out of wedlock. It must be hard for Europe’s most eligible bachelor to find a bride who can live up to his mother, who, in addition to being spectacularly beautiful, appears to have been much loved by all. While his father’s side of the Prince’s family are obviously royalty, descending originally from a pirate, his mother’s side, in addition to having a glamorous film star, include her father, who won three Olympic gold medals in rowing and became a self-made millionaire in the brick business, her brother, also an Olympic medalist, her mother, the first woman to lead the Physical Education Department at UPenn, and an uncle who was a Pulitzer prize winning playwright. Wow. We were delighted to learn that the American side of the royal family are no slouches.

You may be pleased to know that New Hampshire has its own connection with the Royal family as Prince Albert II had been a camper and camp counselor for six summers at Camp Tecumseh on Lake Winnipesaukee. Cool. The sports camp, which makes “good boys better,” was started by three Olympians. The Prince, a graduate of Amherst College, is also an Olympic athlete, having represented Monaco in the bobsled in five winter Olympics.

Marty and I learned all this about the royal family after returning from Monaco. While in Monaco, we tried to recall what we knew about the Royal family and found ourselves scratching our heads and saying things like, “Isn’t Princess Stephanie often in trouble?” When we got home and started searching for information, we quickly realized that we were about 15 years out of date and there is a whole new generation of Monaco royals that are attracting interest. Princess Stephanie is now a middle-aged mother of three, although her tumultuous love life sounds like it may still be of general interest to the rumor mill, which is allegedly quite active in Monaco.

After learning about Monaco’s Royal family, I am nagged by one remaining question. What happens if the reigning Prince or Princess is not feeling “Serene”? It is part of the job title after all. Does he get demoted to His Not-So-Serene Royal Highness?

I am not entirely clear about the relationship between France and Monaco either as there seem to be many treaties that govern it. Monaco is independent and has its own seat at the United Nations, but France provides its defense. The Minister of State, the head of the government, is selected by the Prince but from a roster of candidates chosen by the French government. The tangled relationship is considerably more involved to the point where the family felt obliged to notify the French government of Princess Caroline’s intention to marry a royal from Germany, the Prince of Hanover. The French government reportedly had no objections to the betrothal.

French is the official language, but Monagasque is also spoken by at least some Monaco natives, although it had once been considered in danger of going extinct. It is now taught in the schools. Of the five languages that Princess Caroline is reportedly fluent in (according to Wikipedia), Monagasque is not one of them, leaving me to wonder who really speaks Monagasque in Monaco if not the Princess of Monaco?

Despite his initial reluctance, Marty was seduced by Monaco after our first evening of gawking at the rich and enjoying magnificent views of the sea. He shamelessly began spewing his usual superlatives, “Fabulous!” “Incredible!” “Spectacular!” I’m sure you can all hear him now.

Below are some pictures for you to get a taste of Monaco yourself. I felt that to get a feel for Monaco, you really have to see some of the presumably very wealthy folks decked out and doing whatever it is that very wealthy people do, so I joined the paparazzi and took some stealth photos for you. It was embarrassing, but I thought you were worth it. (The more observant among you may note that I didn't get many photos of men. Truth be told, with few exceptions, the men were not particularly interesting looking, the women were the real trophies.)